emmalaiho.net/blog

I fall asleep on the couch. Dream bad dreams all night (wrong train and my ex boyfriend). My flatmate tells me to “go out or something”. I am two days behind schedule (An apartment building in five days, yeah right.) I want to fast forward to next week, to next year if it’s possible. Everyone else loves the course I most hate, which should tell you something. All this makes me stressed out, angry and unhappy. No matter what way I twist it. And really, it’s all my own fault.

Ten days and two big courses to finish. A course portfolio to write. A history test to read to. (and then Christmas)

Stress weaves knots in my chest. Ones that don’t shift no matter how deep I try to breathe. I decided to work less and ended up doing more, because it’s not so horrible anymore. Result: better work, good grades.

“I think you should be a children’s book illustrator,” Kaisa says. “You are crazy like that.” We deem she should have been the architect, not me. I start to relax in the chaos of my life, not see the slight disorganization as a flaw to fight anymore. I think about art school. And I think about bad paying summer jobs that have nothing to do with architecture. Ten days and half a year to go.

The lecture today was about the psychology of living; how we make our homes the image of ourselves, to strengthen our identity. We try to make them filled with as many good things as possible, to make us happy, or just to survive.
Our home is chaotic. We have trouble with territories and space. Yet it is the best place I’ve lived in. Maybe we make this home work or it changes us so we fit.

I don’t like it when I have a whole dayplan of Stuff To Do in my head for at least five days ahead. Not when my motivation is: to get out of here.

…If I wake up at six(thirty) and take the dog out and eat breakfast, and look through the suburb photos, and write some of the text. Start doing sketches. Take long overdue books to library. Go to school. Lecture? maybe not. Food. Make terrain model. Draw. Ballet class at seven. (Oh remember the repair sewing to pointe shoes!) Make list for foodthings for the party. Look for recipes for the punch. (and then there will be two of my friends and two of K’s and we’ve done all this food and that’s because i have no friends and no one in the world wants to come…) I wish I don’t have to go to school on Sunday to do the urban planning stuff. I want to go to yoga…

I come home from school and it’s so dark outside and I’m too tired to draw or paint. Today like yesterday. I’d forgotten how this is.

art challenge!

it is your job as designers to turn the ordinary into extraordinary. there is no design assignment too small; they are equally important, whatever the scale. if your input doesn’t bring any added value, reconsider.

I write three pages of notes on my town planning lecture then tire and drift into sleep. I pick the Parapluies de Cherbourg for my movie/book analysis, surprised no one’s taken it, that people don’t know it. School is this bizarre place, it sucks you into a frenzy “what studio, are you taking it? should i take it? what if i did that course. and that.” All my school stuff is still in a box in the attic. All CAD uninstalled, waiting for a new computerhome.

I come home, crawl in my bed, wonder whatever happened to summer, those two comic books and the writing project with K. The contributions to webzines, sending out samples and things. Things. And I am almost certain that if I blink my eyes, it will be winter, just like that, and spring and …

But I got on the swedish course.

other: September inspiration links. Joy’s pictures from Hyper Island, Karlskrona.