emmalaiho.net/blog

motto: Red shoes are good for the soul.
soundtrack: Renske Taminiau – I Get it & Waiting to be told (via Sia, naturally)

Sometimes you gotta wonder when the pain is going to stop. When will be the first day you don’t miss your best friend. It must be infinitely easier to be the first one to move on.

But. You sit with the pain. You dance in your red shoes (even when you don’t feel like it). You drink from both coffeecups in turn. You wait to feel the butterflies, when someone looks at you, again. Someday, again.

Now. It is what it is. No better life philosophy.

Still one more day of Flow Festival to go. Ane Brun today <3

p.s. (I like this.)

It’s got to be harder, before it gets easier.

It feels weird sharing this with the internet, but it’s hard to write about anything without addressing this somehow; it’s time to write a few words about the break-up, finally.

We had a wonderful year together and someone will be very lucky to marry this man, but it’s not going to be me. In retrospect, we rushed into commitment, moved in together too fast, but really, I don’t think I’d have it any other way.

Every other moment I doubt myself, fear this is the biggest mistake of my life. Deep down I know it’s the right thing to do. We love each other, that much is clear, but there is some connection missing. The soulmate thing, whatever that is. The talking to three a.m. -thing.

It’s been a month and some weeks apart now. We’ve talked and talked and thought this through. It’s been difficult. Just how difficult, has only really hit me this week, the first time since the break-up that we spent a whole day without talking on the phone or emailing.

There are some good days, when world seems really big and promising. The sunny Jill Scott -listening days, when everything is possible. And then there are bad days (and bad weeks) and no one there, just to sit with me. Life seems pretty bleak right now. Big and scary to face alone.

Now there are just these crying phone calls. Making it all more final.

I know, in time, I will be okay. But in the mean time, friends, please call me some time and ask me out to play (or just sit in silence). I am so bad at asking for anything but I really really need you now.

(I have never been this alone.)

thank you and sorry.

Life’s like the sea. It’s all about surviving in the dark. And it’s so big. You wouldn’t believe how big it is. (And then you figure, there must be another fish like you. And there is. But, you know, the sea, it’s like huge. Just keep swimming honey, it’s all going to be alright.) -k

Forgive me for my absence. I’ve been going through some rough time lately and have needed to conserve my effort to school and work stuff. Writing is what I need to do, but maybe not right here (writing is your garden, he said.)

And writing, I do feel like writing. I have this picture book in my head. Something I am doing just for me this summer. First step is writing.

flea markets and lovely light.

I like the rain.
(I miss You.)

Every morning I wake up beside this man and I smile. He is looking at me, smile crincling his eyes. First morning we woke up together (less than three weeks ago) we both knew: this is it. No ifs and maybes to be found.

Suddenly things previously deemed ridiculous, rings, marriage, they make perfect sense to me. Because that was the level of commitment from day one. Not that pieces of metal, or paper, really matter, this is between me and him. We will figure this out, this life stuff, we are in it together now.

Some people have expressed doubts, and that is okay. I can’t really know this will work out. But love is also faith. He makes me happy, I love him with all my heart. That is not a bad place to start..

a week and a day ago the pieces of my life flew in the air, only to fall down to better places. and now there is this man who plays me vinyl-records, makes music, and love to me.
and he is mine. and i am his. nothing has ever been clearer.

just so that you remember. you and me. yes.

yes.