First morning in winter time I thought I could become this new early-waking kind of person. Then yesterday I stared at the clock at work all day, picked a fight in the evening. Today I woke up still angry and sleepy. Dark morning, in the office all day, walking home in the rain, dark again. And November hasn’t even started.

Number one on my wishlist right now: Coffee Breaks. You know the ones when you are not guiltily staring at the clock. The totally non productive ones where you talk complete nonsense standing outside in the cold, bad coffee in papercups. The ones that produce the best ideas or at least funny conversations. Way too little of those. Makes me angry. Makes me want to take up smoking.

So section one on the happy designer manifesto (the current working title of my BA thesis): Coffee breaks.

It is difficult to describe how much better life is these days; I am already forgetting how lousy I felt before. But this I remember feeling:

On the third day without gluten, I looked up and realized I was clear. It was as though I had been wearing smudgy contacts for years, and someone had just cleaned them for me. I’ve been in a brain fog for years. Years. And now, I feel clear. -gluten free girl

I feel clear.
And happy.

(Some days one needs a little poetry.)

I don’t mind that it is autumn already, time for new work, new beginnings. I went to yoga class today, after probably a six months hiatus. I keep having this feeling that as long as I make time for yoga, everything else in my life will fall into place. Do you have something like that in your life?

Turning clocks to summertime, cooking new foods, it feels like a real spring when there is sun. Today is a gray day, the kind you want to spend on a sofa wrapped into a blanket, and a third day of mysterious searing joint pain. Or not so mysterious, perhaps. But today there were also the best pancakes of my life, lots of coffee and magazines.

On most other days I’ve been feeling well. And not just well, but better than ever in my life. Dreaming vivid dreams in the night. Feeling awake before my morning coffee. No fighting off sleep after every meal. A couple of days ago I laughed so hard my stomach hurt (in a good way), tears streaming down my face, because I just couldn’t stop laughing once I got started. I think it’s been years since I laughed like that. I hope there is more where that came from.

Enough is enough.
I couldn’t agree more.

listening: kt tunstall-someday soon, feeling quiet.

I think it’s time to put myself away
Seek out a little silence
Close the doors and sit a while
Walk a little

I’ve been feeling quiet.

Tomorrow is buy nothing day. Here’s some hints on how to spend the day. My family is also doing buy nothing Christmas, or something pretty close to it.

P.S. Also addicted to Sad Song, by Room Eleven. Hope to see them play sometime.

Dear You,

Today was perfect. Crisp, cold, sunny, just right for the first real Sunday walk of the autumn. I felt I haven’t really seen, looked around.. in a long time. (I haven’t breathed this deep.) Slowing down doesn’t come naturally for me, but this weekend my todo-list was wiped empty. And now, Sunday night, I feel calm, happy. I have it in me, still. Right now, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world.

The decision to concentrate on studies fulltime feels like the right thing to do. Even more so after this weekend. I rattled around, nervously, not knowing what to do, when there was nothing I had to do.. I claim back my weekends, to work on that. And to go for more walks. And to read books.

I will do this at my own pace. Lately I have thought of this concept – slow work. When everything in our culture seems to be about faster, faster, more, more…

Last week’s lectures were interesting and disturbing. I am even more confused about what I want to do in the future. But it’s an ongoing state, I think. I also think I might be allergic to ad agency people.

Yesterday I went to see Rut Bryk exhibition at the design museum and fell in love with her work. The colour combinations were amazing and the less modern pieces very illustration-like.

P.S. Today’s soundtrack (still love this song).

During the last month and a half, living out of a suitcase, it’s become clear how important it is to have a real home. I need to find one, very soon. A place where I can put up all my pictures, drink coffee from my favourite mug, stare out of the kitchen window… I want all my own stuff around me. I feel like I am holding my breath until.

p.s. I am in love with this video.

listening: Jill Scott/Golden (amsterdam soundtrack from two years ago)
liking: Bookmooch (got and sent a few books already.)
missing: traveling, holland
inspiration: Kirin Notebook

p.s. hooked on Hungary’s eurovision contest song.

Life’s like the sea. It’s all about surviving in the dark. And it’s so big. You wouldn’t believe how big it is. (And then you figure, there must be another fish like you. And there is. But, you know, the sea, it’s like huge. Just keep swimming honey, it’s all going to be alright.) -k

Forgive me for my absence. I’ve been going through some rough time lately and have needed to conserve my effort to school and work stuff. Writing is what I need to do, but maybe not right here (writing is your garden, he said.)

And writing, I do feel like writing. I have this picture book in my head. Something I am doing just for me this summer. First step is writing.

flea markets and lovely light.

I like the rain.
(I miss You.)