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I sleep late late late. Finally awake, nap-stretch in my bed for over an hour, thinking lazy thoughts. Breakfast in bed, feels like a mini holiday.

Today I finally make a start on my new moleskine-sketchbook after not drawing for three weeks. (portfolio, applications totally wore me out.) Now lines feel unsure and clumsy, but drawing, I missed you!

There are things you need to do with new sketchbooks. First scrawl your name and address in case you lose it. Second, find some fun quote for the inside cover. Some drawings or stickers are a good thing too. Then wreck a couple of pages with really bad drawing. Weep the loss of the image of the perfect sketchbook. You know, the one only filled with awesome drawing.

And then: Get over it. Turn a page. Continue drawing.

P.S. I am so going to knit pirate mittens. I am thinking pink.

MIRROR PIECE
Instead of obtaining a mirror,
obtain a person.
Look into him.
Use different people.
Old, young, fat, small, etc.

CLOSET PIECE III
Kill all the men you have slept with.
Put the bones in a box and send it out into the sea with flowers.

CLOCK PIECE
Select a clock.
Set it on time.
You may rewind the clock but never reset it.
Call it your life clock.
Live accordingly.

- Yoko Ono: Grapefruit

Naps at noon. Morning coffee at 4 in the afternoon. Walks around the bay. No jacket, just mittens and a scarf. Lollipops, tea outside. Crazy little books, poems and instructions. (All people should have such crazy inner worlds)

swim
swim in your dream as far as you can until you find an island. tell us results.

Travel plans should always be made in the spur of the moment and out of the blue…

(Illustration for a wedding-program.)

Yesterday the flatmate and I started the long due spring cleaning. Old school stuff, first architectural endeavors, all go in the bin. I want to get rid of half of the things I own. A mental inventory: paperstuff, half working stereo, all to the workspace I’ll start looking for when I know where I’ll live next fall.

And then we dream about just leaving, talk about where to store all the stuff (dad’s garage, grandparents attic. I don’t even own the bed I sleep on), talk about what we’d really pack in one suitcase.

I’d take:
my computer
my music (preferably stored in 20gb mp3-player)
two rings and one necklace
three Derrick Jensen books
my full collage-sketchbook
some postcards

clothes, shoes, replacable
ink pens and paper bought (found) on the way…

Days that stretch, that feel like Sunday. Complete with Sunday music: Jill Scott from Amsterdam, last spring; Jack Johnson. It’s hard to come down from the stress hype. I sit and stare out of the window. Wait.

Work: Resume work on print-projects. Next up, corporate identity type of work, my favourite thing.

Lately I’ve been thinking how life goes, how you build it, how do you get where you want(?) Some say: break it down to small, manageable steps. Practice your drawing today, it will pay off eventually. Read a book on starting your own business. That kind of thing.

And: Successfull people are the ones who do the things no one else will. They make the smallest job a learning opportunity. Then move on to create their own opportunities.

Some say lifeplanning, mapping, writing goals down helps. (Have you done it? Has it helped you?)

My dream life is about fun design projects, painting, a spacious studio. It’s about the books I’d like to write and/or illustrate. Travelling. Living somewhere with longer springs and autumns. Owning a beautiful old house and a garden.

I want peaceful things. The dreams about where to study don’t weigh in as much as they once did. More and more I find myself drawn to non-profit, activist kind of work. I’m more of the type to work in an anti-advertising agency than in a real one. Being my own boss is important to me.

Mostly life just flows. How can you plan ahead, when you never know what life springs at you? How do you know what is a good thing and what is not? A gut feeling? Sometimes you have to go with that.

P.S. grr. I registered to take part in this art competition, but guess what, participants from other countries may submit work but not win! What’s up with that?

And when it stops, all I’ve got is me. I feel small and quiet.

Books and paintbrushes scattered around exactly where they were left. Dust. Undone laundry. Windows needing spring cleaning. Instead I go sit in the cafe, late monday evening, eavesdropping conversations, all this life, (who knew?), woving to come back each day. With a less heavy heart.

At home I curl up with a book.

p.s. She is amazing.

What have I been working on?

A brochure for the fictional product Man-picker ®.
A Moby paperdoll.
A comic on domestic violence (without any dialogue).
A poster about … birdwatching.
An illustration for a children’s book story featuring a green meter-man.

All this for applications. For the schools to decide whether they’d like to see me in entrance exams or not.

These past few weeks I’ve been working sixteen hour days, sleeping six hour nights, only going out to buy food, not seeing friends… In fact, I think I’ve last been this tired last spring when I was doing school projects, renovating our flat and moving!

But enough whining. This has been a good thing as well. These assignments have made me break out of my comfort zone with drawing, trying styles that I never would otherwise. I have dug out my watercolours after not touching them for years (I have some serious practicing to do before the entrance exams, if I get in any). And the most important thing: I love this. I love how I have these crazy ideas and wacky characters just waiting to be drawn out.

So we’ll see…