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and penguins.

Revisit the same books, read the same words. Carefully think the same thoughts. Go back and over again, of course it’s different now. Every little thing and every person encountered changed you. More into you. Learn slowly.

How are you going to find, and be, who you are? Who are you, and what are you going to do about it?
-walking on water

Birthdays have that certain “another year passed and what have I got to show for it/where the hell am I going with my life” -vibe attached to them, the exact same as New Years. It helps of course if these two are tied in as close as mine.

Last year I didn’t remind anyone about my birthday, did nothing to celebrate it, and my ex boyfriend (who I had just split up with) was the only one who remembered it. Not a good birthday. I just wished it by.

On Thursday (the 12th) I will be 25 and I have to admit it feels scary. It’s the kind of age you thought by then you’d have it all figured out. Ah, no. What marks my 25 will be applying to do a second BA, changing careers and starting over in a sense. 25 for me is courage, because a part of me is scared I will never finish a degree or get a good job, not least because of this deeply ingrained childhood belief on creative professions: “art is nice to look at but not a real job”. So perhaps a better theme for this age would be throwing all that out of the window; Treat life as a surprise.

And to celebrate? Kaisa and I decided to join our forces (birthdays, hers was on 5th) and go out dancing on Friday.

P.S. Unpatiently waiting for this book to be released.
(other wishes, hint hint)

When you get yourself in that place, the place I was in on New Year’s Eve, you think people who aren’t up on the roof are a million miles away, all the way across the ocean but they’re not. There is no sea. Pretty much all of them are on dry land, in touching distance. I’m not trying to say that’s how close happiness is, if we could only see it, or some bullshit like that. I’m not telling you that suicidal people aren’t so far away from people who can get by; I’m telling you that people who get by aren’t so far away from being suicidal. Maybe I shouldn’t find that as comforting as I do.
Nick Hornby: A Long Way Down

Sylvia thought how all parents wanted an impossible life for their children - Happy beginning, happy middle, happy ending. No plot of any kind. What uninteresting people would result if parents got their way.
The Jane Austen Book Club

I sleep fitfully but dream vividly; my dreams a constant cause of wonder when I recall them in the mornings. My subconscius as a movie.

And last night it’s about this boy and it’s the kind of dream that throws you off balance until late afternoon. Kind of like when you bumped into him (literally) in real life. Haha. What’s better than dreaming about your crushes. In real life he held your hand and laughed at you. In your dream he was more shy, and after you kissed him he told you how he’d be really busy (working at the library, hmm, that’s odd…) but really wanted to make it work. And you said it was okay, because you had all these application assignments to schools as well. And then you two had to climb over some really tall fences to get away from some monsters or something. But it all worked out in the end.

Damn, I should have talked to him.

P.S. scary cool.

Grey oversized sweater. Coffee and a book and grumpy in the morning. I’ll make a good hermit. But for now I’ve got someone to worry about.

At nights, before I go to sleep, I lie and construct sentences, little snippets of stories. Things I’d like to tell you. In light they always seem too much.

Today I think about random friends and getting to know people. I think about parties where no one ever gives out anything, they just fill silence. And it’s easier the more you drink. Or maybe that’s just me. Sometimes I’d like to ask: Have you ever been in love? Tell me.. Because that’s the kind of story you have to tell with your heart.

inspiration:
non-format
look at book
52 figments (a weekly creative exercise)

Sometimes, when I was small, and my friend L. and I got bored, one of us would say: Let’s draw animals! And we did.

I really want that t-shirt. For obvious reasons.

New year got into a nice start with a preparty at ours and then, after year had changed, going to a bar where there was a live band who played 90’s hits (like Neon2) and other covers in leopard print suits.