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I don’t like it when I have a whole dayplan of Stuff To Do in my head for at least five days ahead. Not when my motivation is: to get out of here.

…If I wake up at six(thirty) and take the dog out and eat breakfast, and look through the suburb photos, and write some of the text. Start doing sketches. Take long overdue books to library. Go to school. Lecture? maybe not. Food. Make terrain model. Draw. Ballet class at seven. (Oh remember the repair sewing to pointe shoes!) Make list for foodthings for the party. Look for recipes for the punch. (and then there will be two of my friends and two of K’s and we’ve done all this food and that’s because i have no friends and no one in the world wants to come…) I wish I don’t have to go to school on Sunday to do the urban planning stuff. I want to go to yoga…

I come home from school and it’s so dark outside and I’m too tired to draw or paint. Today like yesterday. I’d forgotten how this is.

needed wanted:
envelopes, thicker coloured paper, gold paint, printer ink, drawing ink (of some colour), stuff to make wings of, transfer-on-paper letters, spangles, new paintbrushes

Tuesdays are free days, packed with miles long To Do-lists. My baby (Onni the dog) is here for the week. He wakes me up early in the morning and takes me out, then falls asleep for the rest of the day while I avoid work. Dreaming of adventures makes his paws and nose twitch. Maybe he is chasing after rabbits, or shoes (like the flip flop he gnawed on the most of last night), my cityliving dog.

p.s. finnish fashion cuteness: sohjo, deliriusmonkey, chocho-bags, miun, and street fashion-pics from hel-looks

So what if-
We paint the kitchen wall green like in the movie. Make golden frames. Put up all the art. If I get the photo paper. The sofa to the dining room. And a bigger desk. And I will steal the kitchen table when I paint. (Because some days I am afraid I steal your breathing space.)

Sometimes I forget last winter and my walks on ice. I forget the simple difficulty of mornings. Sometimes I forget two months ago. Sometimes I forget what I know; That it’s all about Sunday mornings watching movies. That there is nothing that I really need right now that isn’t here.

why is it easier to stay up too late than fall asleep in time or even, hmm, wake up too early. why do i cut classes on first week of school (not lectures, mind you, something left for next week). and why do i have this thirteen year old living inside me that stunts all my adult-like behaviour.